Nicknames
by naiad8
Summary: Crackfic. Henry and Kate watch Magnus and Tesla argue and prepare to arm themselves appropriately.


Henry stood on the landing overlooking the main lab, and watched Tesla and Magnus squabble about something, Tesla's hands gesturing frantically, and Magnus's arms crossed over her chest and that particular smile on her face as she stared him down.

"You know, it's only a matter of time now that Tesla's got his teeth back." Kate rested her elbows on the metal banister and looked down at the quarreling couple, gesturing with the chicken wing she was eating. The woman never seemed to eat at a table, but always had food. How the hell she could eat that much, look that good and still claim to be a normal human, Henry could never figure out.

"Fine, I'll take the bait. What's only a matter of time?"

"Until they end up in bed. There's like, a century and a half of pent up sexual tension there. We should really be armed properly." She calmly took another bite of her chicken and continued to watch the slow dance/argument below, the combatants circling in a slow pas de deux that was impossible not to be riveted to.

Henry's eyes bugged out. "Armed? Like, with guns? I don't think that Tesla would end up going all vamp on Magnus, he loves her. He's not crazy like Druitt or…"

Kate looked at him and rolled her eyes. "Not armed with guns, Hank. Idiot. Nicknames. It's bad enough I get to be Bad Ass Barbie and you are Wolf Boy. We need some juicy ammo. I'm thinking Edward and Bella."

Henry snorted. "I think we'd get our asses handed to us. Once Helen figured out the reference she'd be pissed. It's not like either of those two have a brain cell between them."

"True. And Tesla doesn't exactly sparkle. Even with all the electricity. Too bad Magneto doesn't fit the bill anymore."

"It does. Dude managed to fry the circuits on my latest mainframe. Claimed the company was owned by Edison originally and he couldn't help himself. Ass."

"True. But Ass doesn't have enough oomph to it. And we need a pair. Vlad always worked well."

"Magnus hates Mina. She once gave Ashley and me a long lecture when she'd found out our tutor assigned us Brom Stoker's Dracula. She has a thing against fainting fragile heroines as victims of abnormal men."

"Ah…too bad, that had a nice Victorian ring to it. Vlad and Mina. Well then, I think are left with Buffy."

"Buffy and Spike?" Henry offered? They both looked down at the couple. Magnus may have been a brunette and wearing a lab coat, but the heels and the pony tail did work well. But for Tesla…

"He just doesn't do blonde, does he? And the coat would be more Jack the Ripper."

Henry bit his lip, trying to hold in a laugh at how Druitt would look with Spike's hair quoting bad poetry to a Magnus-bot. Somehow, surprisingly appropriate.

"We're left with Buffy and Angel, then."

They looked down at the couple, only inches away from each other, electricity crackling at Tesla's fingertips and Helen's fists at her sides.

Henry shook his head, "Angel hated being a vampire, so it's not going to work."

"But the hair, you got to admit the hair…"

Kate did have a point. Then, it all came together. "Angelus." Henry almost dreaded it.

"Huh? Angelus like never got the girl you know, she like skewered him and sent him to hell."

Henry sighed in resignation. "But the hair, the style, the love of wine. And the dude loved being a vamp. He would have gone out to conquer the world if he wasn't so busy trying to impress Buffy with his bad-assness."

They both looked down at Tesla and Magnus, voices coming to a crescendo, standing dead center in the lab with perfect lighting.

"Kiss or punch? I'm betting on punch." Henry was almost praying for it.

"Nah-uh. Kiss." Kate nodded firmly.

Sure enough, Helen's hands gripped Tesla's collar and she pulled hi forward, slamming her lips into his. The air sizzled with electricity and the kiss went on, and on, and…

"Ok, then, I'm going to go find something else to do. In case Angelus really makes Buffy forget they might have an audience."

"You don't think Magnus would…"

"Hank, they've been waiting like a century. I don't think they'd give a damn about location."

Tesla already had Magnus backed up into a lab table and had his hands on her ass to pull her up higher.

"Got it. Leaving!"

On the way out they both heard a very loud moan, and Henry was very glad they'd escape with eyeballs intact. Kate dropped her completely clean chicken bone in a trash can in the hallway. She dusted her hands on her pants and smiled at him. "I say we pull up Season Two of Buffy. We'd best be prepared."

"And we'd better hide the leather pants. I really don't want to see Tesla in leather pants."

Kate grinned, "I do!"

"You can't be serious. You think Tesla's hot?"

"I like my men a little dangerous." She winked at him and spun around. "Coming with?"

How could he say no?


End file.
